First Day experience

Habits are trait of one’s behaviors and believe me it will be an injustice towards that specific habit if we become judgmental in defining it as a good or bad habit.

I remember my early college years when one of my friends offered me raw chewing tobacco, which I courteously denied at the very first; he coaxed “nothing will happen..!! Have it” I took it and kept it below my tongue as prescribed. Within few seconds I could feel the tinge of the raw sedative playing its role; I could feel my body getting lighter and lighter and the feeling of ecstasy, blood gushing in my veins and Suddenly I realized that it was one of the world’s worst bitter/ sour taste which my taste buds didn’t liked but the body liked its extravaganza.

Although I spitted it after a minute or so; washed off my mouth thoroughly in order to get rid out of that taste; promised myself not to have that raw shit again. But the experience which the body had earlier was thrilling and attracted me again; I followed my body demand, ignoring the disliking of the taste buds. As such there was no concrete reason of denying to body demand and to not have that sedative again as I use to believe no habit is bad and one can change the habits the way he adopts and only a strong determination is all needed..

Foolish and idiotic was my thinking for adoption and abortion of habits. I could understand but couldn’t avoid this sedative become an integral part of my life, to pacify my taste buds I use to add freshening elements to the raw component. It’s almost 15 years since I started to abort the habit but couldn’t, I never seriously introspected the habit, never saw myself and tobacco as two different entities.

As it always happens in any of the sedatives that slowly the body gets accustomed to that tipsiness and to feel the kick one keep on increasing the dose of the sedative. This even happened with me and the quantity of my one shot reached to a level, crossing which can cause death of normal human.

I don’t know why but this Saturday I thought that I should quit the habit and decided to implement this from the next day itself. The next day proved very difficult right from getting out of bed till evening, I didn’t had tobacco and that was visible on my body, body was not in my control and I could feel the tipsiness even without having sedative, I’d lack of concentration and interest in any of the events happening the entire day, by evening I could feel that my hands are shaking and legs are not falling straight, a perfecto drunken situation. I could feel my reflexes not in my control and could feel blood slowing down in my veins.

To prevent my body condition detoriating further I allowed my body to have one shot of tobacco, with a promise to continue with the avoidance strategy. I understand how difficult it would have been to my body to survive without getting the supplement of nicotine for 2 full days. But it is a fight between determination and desire, and determination should emerge as a winner

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